THE UNTOLD TRUTH ABOUT FALLING IN LOVE

 

When you hear the word "love", it is normal to feel butterflies run in your stomach, or that perfect fairytale story of Cinderella or the sleeping Princess, story replay on your head. The 'happy ever after' journey of marriage.

Let us wake up! Let us face it! Lets examine what love truly is. Here's a quick truth, you should note, No article ever written can teach you love, else you have journeyed through it, I'm not saying articles would not help, it has helped many, and this too, is set to help you adjust your philosophy on love.

However, words are literally words until actions are made, when you begin this journey of love, or marriage, you will discover that, 'Happily ever after' happens as a result of 'Working Ever After'. Love is real work, not some fantasy you wish to talk about.

Love is not a 'thing' it is a life. It is a process that progresses. Love does not happen because you feel like it, love does not happen because  he took you out, garnished your account. All this is beautiful, but beyond the feeling, you need to build strength to love. Because sometimes love hurts, you will the discover the color red, has more to do with pain, endurance, staying when you do not feel like it, to keep loving, without receiving gratitude, keep giving even when you do not even have enough.

If we can practice these little acts, we are mastering the masterpiece of love in a marriage or relationship. 

If you cannot love a person outside having a relationship with the person, then there is obviously little possibilities of loving the one you think you love.

Here are five tips that will help you discover what love is.  These are not all, love covers more than we could ever think or come to understand. 

1. LOVE IS PATIENT.

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines patient as:

Bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint. Manifesting forbearance under provocation or strains.

We talked about pain being part of what makes up love. The process of endurance really tells if truly, the love had a strong foundation. 

Ever wondered why parents punish their children? Ever wondered why, we tend to chastise the ones we love and cherish. You cannot ignore their ignorance because you feel their pain, and desire to see them become better. Being patient through this process of change is a greater side of love. 

Have you ever been close to someone who says, 'i would not give up on you despite your annoying behavior, constant failures, still, love keeps you close to them.  

After chastisement, there is need of patient to stay through the changing process.

2. LOVE IS NOT JUST A FEELING.

Couples, who divorce, do not just part ways because they do not love each other. Research shows that, 70% of them leave because they cannot understand or live with each other anymore.

You hear people say, 

"I love him, but I can't live with him anymore"

 I love her but we can't be together"

What then is wrong?

Love is not just feelings.

Feelings are just emotional state that is open to change.

What would you hold on to, when that feeling of love is no longer there?

Love is not how she looks to you, 

'Really pretty woman'

Looks outstanding

 Dresses perfectly well

What about times, he appears tattered. She is out with no make-up.

 What is your attitude towards that? Your love for them change?

Love should have a strong foundation, beyond feelings,love them for who they are, love them because you want to make them better, love them because you are intentional about their growth and development without any ulterior motives lurking around your 'good' deeds.

3. LOVE HAS EYES.

This point is very vital, I think it is archaic to still believe that 'love is blind', it will be blind to you, until you curl around your bed, with your pillow soaked in tears wishing you have known better, seen better and understood better , what you were signing up for, when you said, 'I love you'.

Love is a detecting tool, not necessarily seeking perfection, but sees beyond the ugliness to bring out beauty.

"How about you attend a cooking class?"

That shows, you are not ignorant that she is a bad cook, you see, it clear, love has seen this, and love aims at making it improve. 

4. LOVE IS FORGIVENESS.

Out of the abundance of love, correction is birthed. You find the need to correct someone, and correction comes when there is a heart filled with enough space to forgive.

Hatred and anger are bitter pills to the soul, forgiveness is letting go of the hurt, the pain, the past and every ugly thing behind. Learning to forgive is simply taking the healing pills.

Forgiveness does not wipe out the occurrences of the past, it heals the pain that comes from the past, so forgetting, is not erasing the memory of the hurt, but going out of the pain it caused you. 

Love forgives. Building blocks on the foundation laid earlier, love Is patient, love is beyond feelings, love has eyes and love forgives. Where forgiveness lacks, love is not found.

5. LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL 

After much work, after the process, love truly is beautiful. 

Ever seen gold in its raw form? It is dirty, it is not attractive, it is nothing like gold, and it is nothing like beautiful. 

So, is love, when we have allowed the ones we love go through the process of refining, the end result Is always beautiful.

Love is beautiful, when the thought of those we love fills our heart, it is enough healing to keep us going.

On our weary bed, we could turn and we find that one and smile, because love truly has marked a space for them in our hearts. What comes is not just butterflies running in our stomach, but thoughts of investment, of pain, of forgiveness,  of purity, the process through the fire to becoming this Person.

So, when next you have to ask the question, what is love?

I hope you would find a better word that would truly describe love, than some empty fantasy you allow run through your head. Love has depth and a height, a lot of sacrifices is required, a lot of work is required to make the ' happy ever after' story.